To say my life has been hetic is a huge understatement to say the least. Even at its most mundane things have been pretty chaotic ranging from petty crimes, broken relationships right through to mental health issues mainly being depression and insomnia. Both of these to some degree are my fault but only go to exaberate what I already have to deal with.
Missing between a couple of days to the most a weeks worth of anti-depressents didn’t do me any favours. At first you notice no difference and before you have a chance to respond you feel like you’re right back at step one again. So you start consciously taking them daily like a religion. By the time you feel so bad you begin to make sure you are taking them it is too late and the crippling depression is coming whether you want it to or not. I think anti-depressents often get labelled as ineffective for a number of reasons firstly they take time to build up and work and thus offer no instant changes and secondly many who suffer with depression struggle to maintain a daily routine thus often resulting in missed doses which will begin to take their own toll along the way.
Out of all of the methods I have tried over the years in gaining control of my addiction there are some that stick out as being far more effective than others. Firstly blogging helps not only in the ability to get things off my chest and off my mind but the feeling of speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves gives me great pride. This is a position I have long held and the more I write the more I get out of this blog. The next is playing games, building websites and learning about topics I enjoy. Learning to build websites begun as a hobby/business move and turned into one of my main passions. At the moment I am taking courses on video editing in order to add a visual elements to both this blog but also my websites on computers, games and basically anything tech related. I hate to say it but attending my local drug service has provided me with very little and not even through lack of trying. I think because quite often I feel I have more knowledge than many staff I feel I could be doing better things with my time. Over the years I have attended great groups, had a decent yet also understanding councillor and support in general. Please don’t take this as me beating on drug services where ever they may be I just wan’t to share what I find useful and what I do not.
With 99% of the decorating finished I should have more time to put into documenting my story both past and present. Where I go from here will also play a part in this but I have to figure that out for myself first.