As I mentioned before I had been doing really well. I managed to stabalise on methadone, no other drug use (excluding cannabis) for 2-3 months. Due to not spending all my money on little brown and white cling film wraps I was buying monitor mounts, PC monitors and a pair of really nice studio headphones and amp. Then out of no where the idea appeared in my head and I was off looking for a dealer. Being out of the scene so long the numbers I had were dead and thus meant connecting with people in those circles again. Long story short I relapsed. Or should I say lapse as I used twice then stopped again. I could so easily lie about this fact to my readers and you would be none the wiser. I would however know and it kind of defeats the purpose of trying to put information about what the life of an addict is really like.
My sleep has drifted right off course since the latter end of lockdown. This is something I was warned to look out for when I was in a residential rehab. Not specifically sleeping patterns. Basically anything that is a change which however slight could be seen as negative in some way shape or form. I am the perfect example of how well things can be going and for no reason other than my own thoughts and feelings can throw away all of that clean time.
On a more positive note I have been socialising more. Albeit online playing games but it sure beats what social occassion usually look like for this. This is in comparison tame but positive. We all need company to some degree. I like my own company and being on my own but finding people who don’t know I am an addict and being able to just be normal is massive and something most addicts I have met myself included overlook.